i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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