Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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