Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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