The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
