the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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