And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
