part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
