so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
