There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
