I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
