how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My feet surprised me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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