I wish my penis had an off switch
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
