I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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