I wish I could teleport
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
