she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
