I didn't shave. On purpose
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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