new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
