She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
