I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
