i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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