I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
