The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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