Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sober January is a disaster.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
