hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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