that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
