Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
