i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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