i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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