watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
