My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
