apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My ass is underappreciated
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
