I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
