So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
