ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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