laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
