With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
