So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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