Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Someone came in the potted fern
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
