when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
