Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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