in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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