i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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