He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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