im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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