Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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