Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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