just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i out mim tonsoeep
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
