I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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