In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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