If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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