Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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