I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
