i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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