Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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