I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize