Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
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