It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
