I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
