Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
