sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize