I feel like I'm in dance class right now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
