A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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