Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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