i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
