I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
