i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
