Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
