I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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