There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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