i just wanna soil my oats bro
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
