..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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