i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
