I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
