I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
