peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
