You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Randomize
