Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
