the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
