she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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