RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is it because I queefed?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
