Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We need to get me chipped asap
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
