This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
