Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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