Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
