I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my being single is dangerous.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
