apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
