i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
