Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i've created a new STD.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
