we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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