jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
