I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
