the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
