I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
