I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
