I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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