I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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